One of the most powerful skills we can learn, as leaders, in order to release potential in people's lives, is understanding and hearing when there's an assumption made by the person you're trying to lead or coach. It's developing a radar for that sort of thing, and just being able to tactfully, ask them: why is it you think that's true? what makes you feel that way?
So the other day I was in a coaching situation, and the person I was speaking to just made a passing comment about the reason why people change. He was a leader and he said, “People basically change for two reasons. One is going to become so uncomfortable they need to change and number two is if they get a vision for a better situation that's going to be achieved if they make the change, and they'll change.”
And the other people in the coaching cohort I led just listened to that and at the end of it I said to the other two “Did you hear any essential assumptions our friend just made and they said, “No, not really.”
I said, “Well, let me just ask you, are there only two reasons why people change, because he said there are only two reasons?” And I just asked them, “Is that the only reason you might change?” And one of them said immediately, “Not me. I know why I change. Another reason why I change is out of necessity.” He said “If I'm driving down the road, and somebody crosses the median strip. You know what, I change because if I don't, it's going to be an accident, and it's not because I got uncomfortable, it's just because it was something put upon me that made me change”
So there's probably a lot of other reasons why people change but the original speaker who said there are only two reasons now had a third reason. Then I was able to tilt to the original speaker and just say, “Look, why did you think there are only two reasons why people change?”
And he said, “Well, it's because you know for me, that's the reason I change.” And I said, “That's right. What if there are a lot of other reasons why people change, and how might that influence the way you coach, or lead your team?”
I think just in those few minutes, challenging that thinking and assumption, really opened his mind to what could have otherwise been a limitation. And so I just wanted to share that as an example of how important it is to challenge assumptions we believe are true, without necessarily thinking about it very much but nevertheless really influence the way we lead people.
These are the kind of skills that come when you are a non anxious leader. For more insights into developing these types of power skills sign up for my newsletter here!