Pursuing the BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goal) of 100% Healthy Leadership

The definition of leadership

Leadership is influence. Influence is power. Everyone on earth has influence over someone or something and so everyone has the potential for leadership. So the bhag (big, hairy, audacious, goal) of 100% healthy leadership can be achieved by anyone.

The question then becomes: Do you use your power to liberate and empower others? Do you use your power to dominate and oppress others?

In order to know this you need to be highly self aware. Even if you do know that you are not liberating or empowering others, that is just the beginning. You need tools to accurately assess yourself and the tools you need to change your current reality

Leadership is about unlocking the potential inside of people. Many think it’s about impressing others or domineering over them. Leadership is not about giving orders and it’s not about critique and micromanagement. 

We are not here to call people out. We want to call them up to something higher. Instead of being a hammer and pushing people down, leadership is about being an elevator and taking people up. This is what 100% healthy leadership is all about.

Fight for the best you you can be

When it’s all said and done you want to know that you fought to be the best “you” you could be. There was nothing left on the table and you have no regrets. This is what it means to be a leader worth following. This is what it means to pursue healthy leadership.

You are not always going to get things right but you will show up as your authentic self and free from the anxiety that plagues us and causes us to make foolish decisions.

To follow this path of leadership is a perpetual climb. You will always aspire to the next level. In order to do that you have to climb. 100% healthy leadership requires others who can help you get there.

Why? Because 100% health is possible. You are not the one exception that can’t be 100% healthy in terms of your leadership. You can be galvanized against quitting and galvanized against making foolish decisions. This big hairy audacious goal can make you invincible as a leader.

In order to be 100% healthy you can’t be carried but you can be provoked to make changes in the way they lead. You need to make the shift from being reactive and accidental to proactive and intentional. After doing this you can have higher quality meetings and more productive interactions with others. By being proactive and intentional you are in the driver’s seat and not your emotions or the emotions of others within the system.

This will influence your gravitas. Gravitas is what you truly believe and think. It’s not just a mission statement or a slogan on a wall. It’s what’s in your heart because leadership is heart work. Unless your inside is healthy then you won’t be 100% healthy.

This will not be easy but if you have someone working with you then it’s possible to get there. But it’s going to cost you something. No one is going to carry you.

You can’t give what you don’t possess

You cannot give what you don’t possess. If you don’t possess health you can’t give away health. So you have to assess yourself and ask: “What is not healthy in my tendencies and patterns as I lead myself and others?” This is because you can’t lead yourself until you know yourself

In our new post-covid world the boundaries of work-life balance are blurred causing reactivity and accidental leadership. In order to lead well in this new remote frontier you need to have freedom and balance and health. This means forming new habits. 

Authenticity is being scrutinized in the digital world. People want to know if you are the real deal. People of integrity are hard to find. A 100% healthy leader is a leader worth following. A leader worth following gives hope to people all around them because they are true to who they are. And if they are true to who they are then they can freely seek the best for others. 

Leaders who are 100% healthy make those around them better. In order to do this you have to become better yourself. Then you can give away what’s been given to you. 

You won’t want to compete and struggle to maintain some sort of dominance over those following you. It won’t be a matter of keeping everyone below you. You will want to use your power and influence to launch them into being the best they can be as well. 

This big hairy audacious goal is something anyone can get behind. Whether you are a CEO, a pastor, a teacher, or a parent, 100% healthy leadership is attainable. It’s the big, hairy audacious goal everyone needs to pursue.

At Enlive leaders we are here to assist you in attaining the goal of 100% healthy leadership. You can do that by taking one of our courses on non anxious leadership or unpacking the enneagram. In the meantime you can download our road map to self aware leadership here.

What You Can Learn From How Enneagram Type 7 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace

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Enneagram type 7’s are the fun seekers. They are playful and love variety. There’s never a dull moment when it comes to type 7. With a zest for life the Enneagram 7 personality embraces the moment.  Boredom is a curse word for this type. 

Type 7’s are confident and optimistic. Often times their mere presence is encouraging to others. Enneagram 7 struggles with focus and directing their many talents. This can result in overextending themselves which can produce anxiety. Type 7’s are usually extroverted and are often dubbed “the life of the party.”  

These characteristics make type 7’s great idea people and networkers. They are great at synthesizing information and also connecting with a wide variety of people. They are the enthusiasts of the world who can’t help but enjoy themselves and want the same for others.

How Enneagram 7 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace:

Type 7 approaches conflict with an optimistic outlook. They are also good at presenting multiple options to resolve conflict. This can be helpful in moving beyond win-lose zero-sum situations. 

Direct confrontation and any associated pain tend to be avoided by 7s. One of the ways type 7’s get into conflict is through impatience and acting without knowing all the details. 7’s can also place an undue emphasis on their own needs and the needs of others can feel quite burdensome. 

Another way type 7 tends to handle conflict is to deny any difficulties. This becomes a problem in the long run as either conflict never gets resolved or it gets resolved poorly. The overly positive approach creates short-term solutions or no solutions at all. 

For Enneagram 7 difficulties needs to be acknowledged and sometimes direct confrontation needs to happen. One of the ways this Enneagram type can go about this is to ask questions of others and themselves regarding the nature of the conflict and the feasibility of the proposed solution. Another way to handle conflict is to gather all the necessary details before approaching the other party and before deciding on a resolution

What can we learn from the way type 7 handles conflict?

Enneagram Type 7’s workplace conflict approach offers good lessons for all types. An optimistic outlook is helpful for all of us as we seek to be a positive influence in our interactions with others. The ability to think of multiple options helps rescue us from closemindedness and conventional ways of thinking. There is also the fruitfulness that comes from gathering all the necessary information for making decisions or engaging in potential conflict with others. Type 7 shows us how to think bigger and bring optimism to potentially negative situations.

What Can You Learn From How Enneagram Type 4 Navigates Conflict In The Workplace

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The Enneagram Type 4 is the artist. This type feels deeply and longs for meaning and depth in their relationships and work. They will not be satisfied with the shallow. 

Type 4’s are compassionate and idealistic. They care about others and can be very empathetic. This makes them great friends and caregivers. They desire to know others and to be truly known by others.

Fours are often full of passion and express this passion through the arts. They have good inner antennae for the feelings of others and are also very self-aware of their own emotions. These qualities make fours creative and lovers of authenticity.

Enneagram 4’s can often feel a sense that something is missing. They often have melancholic feelings of longing and seek to fulfill this longing through art, healing, or idealism. They often experience feelings of envy and comparison.

How Enneagram 4 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace:

Type 4’s tends to ascribe a heavy weight to emotions and feelings. This can lead to a lack of objective thinking.  When this happens true resolution of conflict may be difficult.

During conflict Enneagram 4’s can be sarcastic, condescending, or overreactive. They also can be prone to attack others and seek unilateral support in order to crush the competition. If someone has a different opinion they often seek to find as many who hold their opinion in order to secure a win for their side.

Because they tend to get their feelings hurt easily type 4’s can avoid resolving differences and continue to nurse wounds. They also can miss the bigger picture by focusing on how a particular solution is a slight to them.

Type 4 can also lose a sense of objective thinking when it comes to how they handle others. They may be more sensitive to the emotions of others when it comes to resolving conflict. This means they may not seek the best possible solution but only the solution that saves face for the other person.

This extra sensitivity to others may also play out in not confronting others. They may sidestep an issue and not deal with it for some time until they blow up in anger or frustration.

What can we learn from the way type 4 handles conflict?

If you identify with these type 4 tendencies here are a few things you can do to improve how you handle conflict. Here are five tips for type 4's to deal with conflict in the workplace:

Use your emotions and passion to stir you to take action. The emotions you feel can be fuel to take action and confront others and resolve conflict

Balance your emotions with objective thinking. Take some time to step outside of yourself and think objectively about the situation. Emotions are important but they are not the only factor when it comes to resolving conflict or making a decision.

Focus on the conflict and not the people involved. Honestly examine the opinions of others. Don’t try to draw sides. Think of the other person as someone who is working with you to resolve the conflict and not as someone who is against you. 

Enneagram Type 4’s approach to conflict in the workplace offers good lessons for all types. Feelings and emotions are important factors to consider when navigating conflict. It’s also good to have balanced thinking and a bigger perspective than our personal feelings about an issue. The healthy approaches of type 4 are great resources to add to our inventory of conflict management.

What You Can Learn From How Enneagram Type 6 Navigate Conflict in The Workplace

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Enneagram type 6 are the true loyalists. They seek security and are committed and hard working. Type 6’s are known to hang on to beliefs and relationships longer than anyone else. They are known to be troubleshooters and can predict problems way before they become problems.

Enneagram six struggles with anxiety and in order to move forward in the world they seek social support. This can be through a system or organization or through personal relationships. What type six most longs for is security.

Because of these tendencies, type sixes will be the most dedicated people. They will go to bat for those who they feel are in their tribe or family. They are definitely good people to have on your team as they will go the extra mile because of their loyalty.

How Enneagram 6 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace:

Type 6 handles conflict by questioning the other person’s intentions. They also tend to not trust others. In the heat of conflict, Enneagram 6 can be very emotional when feeling attacked or insulted. 

At the same time type 6 gives voice to the potential risks involved and this can help others foresee potential problems with a proposed solution. They also can ask tough questions due to their need for security and to eliminate any threats or anxieties. 

One of the ways Enneagram 6’s can mitigate the negative side of their approach to navigating conflict is to seek clarity. Seeking clarity about others’ intentions and opinions can help to stop unwarranted and uninformed rejection and attacks on solutions and proposals to resolve conflict. It can also keep unnecessary conflict from happening at all.

What can we learn from the way type 6 handles conflict?

Enneagram Type 6’s workplace conflict approach offers good lessons for all types. The ability to ask tough questions is helpful when deciding on a way forward. There is also great value in voicing out anxieties and being transparent. Before distrusting others opinions it is helpful to clarify before tearing them down. Type 6 shows us how to navigate our anxieties when resolving conflict in the workplace.

What Can You Learn From How Enneagram Type 5 Navigates Conflict In The Workplace

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Enneagram 5’s are the investigators. They are the ones who observe the world and try to discover its secrets. For an enneagram 5 life is puzzle meant to be solved. 

Type 5’s are wise and perceptive. They have a strong desire to be competent. This leads them to seek mastery an exhaust a subject they are dedicated to. Enneagram 5’s can become lost in whatever their passion is at the moment. 

They can possess a wealth of knowledge on a subject and can be resourceful to others when it comes to their passion. They also can have a strong feeling of incompetence and distrust of their intuition.

Enneagram 5’s tend to live life from the head and not from the gut or the heart. This can make them seem aloof and dispassionate. Type 5’s are all about observing the reality around them and prefer to stand back and investigate. This can lead to indecision and an endless quest for the correct course of action.

How Enneagram 5 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace:

For type 5’s conflict dovetails with competency. They go into conflict wanting to be an expert and to have all the correct information. This leads them to approach conflict detached and relying on logic and not necessarily taking the feelings of others into account.

Enneagram 5’s tend to be cerebral and want to think out ways to resolve conflict. Since they have a desire to be the expert in conflict they tend to avoid situations where they do not have all the information or are not the expert. 

Type 5’s are encouraged to connect to their emotions and the emotions of others during conflict. They need to allow their investigative side to ask the question: How does this feel to me? How would this feel for the other person? 

Type 5 also needs to give information out freely when appropriate. They would benefit from involving others in conflict resolution from the beginning instead of waiting until they have it all “figured out.” 

Enneagram 5’s also need to embrace and not avoid conflict when they are not the expert. Instead of seeking to be right, the goal needs to seek to be connected.

What can we learn from the way type 5 handles conflict?

Enneagram Type 5’s approach to conflict in the workplace offers good lessons for all types. The ability to stand back and rationally look at the situation is important when navigating conflict Seeking out all relevant information is also a good thing when it comes to approaching conflict. At the same time, we cannot afford to neglect the emotions underneath the surface. The healthy approaches of type 5 are essential ingredients for a great conflict management recipe.

What You Can Learn From How Enneagram Type 3 Navigates Conflict in The Workplace

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The Enneagram Type 3 is the achiever who appears to have it all together. Type 3’s are very aware of social protocol. They are usually well-dressed and charismatic. They are known for making a good first impression.

Their performance and achievements are looked at with admiration and it may also motivate others to follow suit. Achievers are prone to have really busy schedules filled with meetings and personal interactions. They are known for making good first impressions.

Most type 3’s will be the stars of the workplace. They will be some of the first to earn promotions or raises. They also will be the ones most likely to rise to executive leadership.

When it comes to conflict type 3’s are all about feeling competent. They want to be recognized as being efficient and getting the job done. They will be sensitive to their image and how they are viewed during the conflict. 

How Enneagram 3 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace:

With a tendency to focus on the matter at hand and the goal to be achieved, Enneagram 3’s viewpoint is helpful. Their focus on getting the job done can help add clarity to a specific issue. They are also flexible and able to adjust in order to provide a solution.

The problem comes when the conflict makes them look bad. The Enneagram 3 will not be as sensitive to the emotions of others. This comes out, especially when their image is on the line and a particular goal will not be achieved.

This can result in cutting remarks, and arguments, and doing whatever it takes in order for their solution to be accepted. This can even veer into the realm of the unethical.

Enneagram Type 3’s have a tendency to be overly concerned about their image. They also tend to get bogged down in the minute details and do not take the personal feelings of others into account. This can result in long discussions and narrow solutions.

As an Enneagram 3, it is helpful to allow others to give you the bigger picture. It is also helpful to think about how your decisions and solutions impact others. It’s helpful to disentangle the project or conflict from how it will impact your image and how others view you.

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What can we learn from the way type 3 handles conflict?

If you identify with these type 3 tendencies here are a few things you can do to improve how you handle conflict. Here are five tips for type 3's to deal with conflict in the workplace:

1. Don’t stuff your feelings

   If the conflict impacts you personally then share this upfront and don’t repress how you feel. Let people know what this means for you

2. Understand the bigger picture

   This conflict is about more than your image or the goal right in front of you. It’s helpful to get acquainted or reacquainted with the larger context. This will help you not get bogged down with the minute details and drag out interactions.

3. Think about others

   It’s helpful to think about how your point of view or solution will impact others. Remember you are not the only person in the world and your goals are not the only goals for your company or organization.

   Enneagram Type 3’s approach to conflict in the workplace offers good lessons for all types. It’s possible for us to take on the negative outlook and behaviors of type 3s in times of stress and conflict. We also can add the healthy approaches of type 3 to our inventory of conflict management.
   
   

What Can You Learn From How Enneagram Type 2 Navigates Conflict In The Workplace

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How Enneagram Type 2 Experiences Conflict 

Enneagram 2’s are often ambitious, sensitive, and compassionate. This personality type is focused on being loved and accepted. Enneagram type 2’s make themselves available to help others and are often empathetic, warm, and inviting.

Usually, this comes out as paying special attention to the needs of others. People with Enneagram type 2 personality traits are often seen as hard workers, but they can struggle with their relationships at work.

Often ambitious, sensitive, and compassionate. They seek approval from others and like to be needed by others. This often leads them to take on too many responsibilities. People with this personality type fear unappreciated and unfulfilling lives, as well as the inability to take care of others. They also fear distancing themselves from those who they often take care of. People with this personality type handle their emotions by trying to gain praise from those around them.

People with this personality type approach conflict by sympathizing with the person they are fighting with and trying to find a way to make them feel better. In other words, their adult temper tantrum is to try to meet the needs of the person they are in conflict with and often this doesn’t solve the actual conflict. They can also resort to trying to fix the other person, rather than the conflict.

How Enneagram Type 2 Navigates Conflict in the Workplace

In the workplace, this could mean buying donuts for everyone instead of dealing with the problem between two team members. It could also mean avoiding confronting a worker who is consistently in violation of team or company standards. Instead, type 2 will often make up excuses for the person and in their attempt to sympathize not address the inappropriate behavior.

Enneagram type 2’s are the peacemakers which is a good trait but there is a downside to this. They are stress-reactive and don’t deal with conflict very well. They become withdrawn, quiet, and shut down. Type 2’s will ignore the problem and hope that it goes away.

How can Enneagram type 2 can better navigate conflict in the workplace

Enneagram Type 2s have a tendency to worry about what other people think of them. This is why they’re so sensitive to conflict and criticism. Because type 2s tend to be conflict-averse, that’s why it’s important for them to learn how to deal with conflict. 

If you’re the type of person who avoids conflict and drama at all costs, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself when necessary. This is especially important in the workplace because the more you stand up for yourself the better off the team will be. When someone is a pushover it leads to chaos and even more conflict. 

If you identify with these type 2 tendencies here are a few things you can do to improve how you handle conflict. Here are five tips for type 2's to deal with conflict in the workplace:

1. Don’t take people’s criticism personally

If you’re a type 2 it’s important to realize criticism from others sometimes has nothing to do with you. When other people criticize you it’s usually a reflection of their own insecurities. Emphasize this to yourself when people criticize you.

2. Don’t let it get to you

Don’t let it get to you or become defensive. It’s never worth getting into a fight with someone over criticism that's not worth fighting over.

3. Keep your voice calm

When someone criticizes you try to keep things calm. As a type 2, it can be easy to get frustrated and react impulsively if someone is criticizing you. Make sure you keep your voice calm.

4. Don’t always say you’re sorry

If you've done something wrong it's good to apologize. But remember to be careful with how often you apologize because people will start to take advantage.

5. Understand that conflict is inevitable

Conflict is an inevitable part of life. It's important to understand that conflict will happen on occasion — even in the best of relationships. Properly addressing conflict and learning from it, however, is not only possible but also necessary for healthy relationships.

There is so much gold in learning from the Enneagram Type 2’s temper tantrums in the workplace. These five tips are not only good for Enneagram type 2’s but wise words to heed for any of the types as we work on navigating conflict in a healthy way.

What Can You Learn From How Enneagram Type 1 Navigates Conflict In The Workplace

Do you always have to be right? We all experience the need to be right from time to time but there is one Enneagram type where this need is super important. If you’re an Enneagram Type 1 the need to be right plays a major role in how you experience conflict in the workplace.

How Enneagram Type 1 Experiences Conflict

Enneagram Type 1’s often struggle with the belief that there is only one way to do things. Trouble arises when people come and do things differently and hold other views. This is inevitable in a workplace filled with diverse personalities. Type 1 is compelled to not only stick to their guns but also hold their view of things as the only legitimate view.

The Enneagram type 1 is most concerned about honesty and morality. For type 1’s conflict is not just two sides wanting to get their way. The Enneagram type 1 usually looks at conflict primarily as a moral issue. It’s not just that you have a different way of working but my way of working is right and your way of working is wrong.

Often type 1’s need their side to win not just because of their own self-interest but because it would be an injustice and a triumph against morality. In other words, everything is black and white and there is no gray area. 

A mindset like this makes negotiation and compromise unacceptable. The solution to the problem is not just practical but it lands in the realm of ethics. While not explicitly thinking this the type 1 would see it as a defeat against their moral integrity. 

Oftentimes type 1’s with a nine wing stuff down their anger because although they believe they are right they are also challenged by their understanding of anger as wrong. So they are often left with resentment and the feeling of their values being violated. This can manifest itself as passive-aggressiveness in the workplace.

Type 1’s with a two wing can often be critical of themselves when they don’t meet certain benchmarks or goals in the workplace. They can also be judgmental while at the same time giving praise when others fall short of their standards. This can come off as deceptive and manipulative.

So how can type 1’s become open to other people’s opinions and not always see the world as a struggle between good and evil?

How Enneagram Type 1 Can Better Navigate Conflict

Well as a type 1 your anger or resentment can be used as a clue to some other underlying issues. Whenever you feel these emotions take some time to examine their source. There could be some other things you are angry about from present interaction that have roots in the past.

Another thing you can do is to think about the other. You have to remember not everyone shares the same values. So as you are navigating conflict ask yourself the question: Am I pursuing this to satisfy my own moral purity or for the benefit of everyone else?

Your role in the workplace is to benefit the team and the organization. Being part of an organization means working with people who are different from you. They all come with different views and perspectives. They are not wrong or right in and of themselves. Just different.

What We Can Learn From Enneagram Type 1 and How They Navigate Conflict

Staying aware of your anger and resentment and understanding there are a variety of valid perspectives and no one is right are helpful principles for navigating conflict as a type 1. These principles can help you begin to experience openness to different views and beliefs and to not see everything as a moral battle. 

We all at times hold tightly to being right and so we can all learn from the Enneagram  Type 1’s growth in navigating conflict. We can hold our views and opinions while also accepting other people have views different than ours. In life, there are only a few things that are black and white and it is up to us to discern the hills we are willing to die on.

The Surprising Way Our Enneagram Personality Style Leads To Adult Tantrums

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There are surprising ways we as adults throw temper tantrums. It’s not hard to notice if you look at our workplaces. Very often these adult tantrums are tied to our personality styles.

Kid tantrums

What do you do when you don’t get what you want? When you grew up you had a period in your life known as the terrible twos. When you didn’t get what you wanted you cried. You yelled. You fell to the ground and pounded our fist. 

This often didn’t work the way you wanted because your parents wouldn’t give in to your demands. Eventually you learned different ways of coping and this became your default approach to handling conflict.

Adult Tantrums

The problem is these are nothing more than adult tantrums. They have become a semi-acceptable way in your mind of reacting to not getting what you want. So instead of falling on the floor and yelling you consciously or unconsciously handle the people around you in the way that works for your personality type. 

This happens all the time in the workplace. People with all kinds of different backgrounds and personality types come together and conflict is inevitable. It’s going to happen between bosses and their employees, between coworkers and between board members. 

The Enneagram Diagnosis of Adult Tantrums

What I’ve found helpful as a tool to help navigate adult “tantrums” is a tool called the Enneagram. The Enneagram helps you identify the coping mechanism for your type. Over the years you have developed a pattern of how you deal with disagreement, conflict, and lack. 

If you are a Type 1 you may handle conflict by stuffing your frustrations and holding in negative thoughts and emotions. Eventually these will leak out in subtle and not so subtle ways.

If you are a Type 2 you may handle conflict by trying to give to other people in order for you to get something in return. This bargain may not always pay off and your own needs may not be met. On the other hand people may feel manipulated by you and this further strains your relationships.

If you are a Type 3 you may handle conflict by not speaking your own truth. You may cover up how you really feel about something in order to look good to the people you are trying to impress. This may come back to haunt you later as you have not only deceived others but yourself.

If you are a Type 4 you may handle conflict by thinking no one understands you and being imprisoned in your own emotions. This won’t help people understand you and often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you are a Type 5 you may handle conflict by retreating inwardly and not sharing how you really feel. The people around you may consider you aloof and not easily approachable. This impacts conflict as no one knows what you truly want and they do not feel any connection to you.

If you are a Type 6 you may handle conflict by overanalyzing the motives of others or your own motives and decisions. This will often lead to indecision and suspicion of other people’s true aims.

If you are a Type 7 you may handle conflict by running away from conflict because it doesn’t feel good. You may engage in all kinds of other activities instead of dealing with the critical issues right in front of you.

If you are a Type 8 you may handle conflict by showing how strong they are and fighting for what they want. This may not be the most helpful posture in working with the other types as it can push other people away or cause them to not be honest with you.

If you are a Type 9 you may handle conflict by seeking peace at all costs. This desire for harmony usually side steps conflict while it brews under the surface and costs the people around you and whatever organization a lot in terms of your contribution and sweeping critical things under the rug.

Stop the Adult Tantrums!

So are you having adult “tantrums”? Are these adult “tantrums” ruining the relationships in your workplace? As a leader, are your team members disconnected and find it hard to work together? 

At Enlive we are dedicated to helping you and your team become more self aware and able to work together to achieve bigger goals than you could on your own. How do we do this? Through our Unpacking the Enneagram course. This is how it works:

1. Go to enliveleaders.com

2. Sign up for the Unpacking My Enneagram course where you will learn how to identify your type and the roadblocks that come from working with other people and how to navigate these roadblocks in your workplace

3. In the meantime you can download the free pdf Road Map To Self Aware Leadership so you can start becoming a more healthy and effective leader wherever you are on your journey.

Cultivating Your Power Skills: Challenging Assumptions

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One of the most powerful skills we can learn, as leaders, in order to release potential in people's lives, is understanding and hearing when there's an assumption made by the person you're trying to lead or coach. It's developing a radar for that sort of thing, and just being able to tactfully, ask them: why is it you think that's true? what makes you feel that way?  

So the other day I was in a coaching situation, and the person I was speaking to just made a passing comment about the reason why people change. He was a leader and he said, “People basically change for two reasons. One is going to become so uncomfortable they need to change and number two is if they get a vision for a better situation that's going to be achieved if they make the change, and they'll change.”

And the other people in the coaching cohort I led just listened to that and at the end of it I said to the other two “Did you hear any essential assumptions our friend just made and they said, “No, not really.”

I said, “Well, let me just ask you, are there only two reasons why people change, because he said there are only two reasons?” And I just asked them, “Is that the only reason you might change?” And one of them said immediately, “Not me. I know why I change. Another reason why I change is out of necessity.” He said “If I'm driving down the road, and somebody crosses the median strip. You know what, I change because if I don't, it's going to be an accident, and it's not because I got uncomfortable, it's just because it was something put upon me that made me change”

So there's probably a lot of other reasons why people change but the original speaker who said there are only two reasons now had a third reason. Then I was able to tilt to the original speaker and just say, “Look, why did you think there are only two reasons why people change?”

And he said, “Well, it's because you know for me, that's the reason I change.” And I said, “That's right. What if there are a lot of other reasons why people change, and how might that influence the way you coach, or lead your team?”

I think just in those few minutes, challenging that thinking and assumption, really opened his mind to what could have otherwise been a limitation. And so I just wanted to share that as an example of how important it is to challenge assumptions we believe are true, without necessarily thinking about it very much but nevertheless really influence the way we lead people.

These are the kind of skills that come when you are a non anxious leader. For more insights into developing these types of power skills sign up for my newsletter here!

The Surprising Benefits Of A Non Anxious Work Environment

I had a chance to meet with a lady in a company where I work. I help with orientation and check in during an employees first 90 day check in and I was asking her questions about our company culture and the culture she was in before. And at the end of the conversation she said “I just realized something that's really different from where I used to work.” 

She said, “where I used to work before (and she worked there for many years), I was always saying ‘I’m sorry’. Since being here I haven’t had to say sorry near as much as I used to. And so I asked you to unpack that why do you think that is and she said “Well, in the former company. You know, I, I felt like if I made a mistake, or didn't know something...if I was to admit that I might get punished or even fired.” 

And I said well why did you feel that way and she said “Because I observed. That's what really happened in this company as I worked there for years, I saw a lot of people get punished or fired for making mistakes so I just automatically developed an apologetic sort of stance and apologized, even before I did many things, and since coming to this company she said I don't say that as much. And I don't use that word as much.” 

I said well what's the difference and she said, “Well what I observe and what I’ve experienced here is that when I make a mistake or I don't know something I can ask for help. That's exactly what I did, I, if I make a mistake I get help, and if I don't know how to do something I get help. This is really different and I love coming to work.  And I love that, if you know, leaders and my colleagues that I work with, they're here to help me if I struggle.” 

And so for me it just highlighted the importance of creating a non anxious environment, and how it’s impacted the productivity of this particular lady. She's a great team member. She's learning skills.  She's growing, and she is getting life out of coming into work. 

So many people don’t know how to really eliminate an environment filled with fear of punishment, or maybe favoritism for special people, or even where they fear they're going to get fired. I just feel like you do yourself a real favor to understand what to do to get rid of a toxic environment.

And how do you show people more and more that it's a safe place and we're here to help one another grow and learn. And yeah if mistakes do happen, then if you're honest about it, we can unpack that we can learn how not to repeat the mistakes. 

Yet I feel so few leaders don't understand or don't even recognize what a toxic environment looks like and whether or not they're contributing to it. So, one of the things I do at Enlive is try to bring awareness, whether you're in a toxic environment, or whether you're part of the toxic environment, and how to differentiate from that and just sort of change the trajectory of the environment you might be in or the experience of the people you work with.

And so if you want to lead and create a non anxious environment you can purchase my course Improving Your Life With Non Anxious Leadership. Sign up here learn how to be a non anxious leader that promotes a non anxious work environment. 

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How To Lead With Confidence During Times Like This

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Yesterday I was talking to a couple of leaders that I was coaching in a group coaching session and the topic sort of naturally came up about leading with confidence in unpredictable and uncertain times. These leaders work in manufacturing and sometimes because of the pandemic they don’t know whether they're going to have a full crew when they get to work or accurately predict what they need.

So they have to be very flexible and I was, I was observing how much pressure is on a leader at the moment, not to get anxious about things when orders increase or decrease although you know the work crew is smaller or, or not what you expected. And so we just started talking about how do you lead with confidence, during times like this and not let the anxiety get to you.

Here are two thoughts I shared with them:

1) Do you know how you are wired in relation to anxiety? What does it do when you you know the people around you actually experience the fruit of uncontrolled anxiety in your life? Maybe what you do is you express it. Maybe not in a clear way to people but it comes out in being sharp, or short, or just sort of pushing through and being overly busy or just looking overly busy or getting frustrated more easily. Do you just swallow it, but inside it's tearing you up. It's affecting your home life and things like that.

So I think the enneagram is a really good tool for you to really examine what you typically do with anxiety and work out ways that you can mitigate the full effect of that anxiety so unpacking your enneagram could be really helpful and that's a thing that I offer here at enliveleaders.com

2) Also the other thing is, I think it's really important to develop support systems and there is sort of an outlet for when you do feel anxious. I know in my own life those support structures are really important and I speak about five healthy support systems that I believe every leader should have. You can learn about this from our Non Anxious Leadership Course at enliveschool.thinkific.com. You can also download the free Road Map to Self Aware Leadership which introduces you to many of the concepts we talk about.

Being a non anxious leader is absolutely critical at a time like this so I hope you check out those things or you contact me personally, if you like, you can email me or go to the Enlive Leaders Facebook page and we could talk about how we might be able to help you with this.